So, I've been having a really tough time getting into the Christmas spirit lately. I was originally thinking that it was because we are still in the process of catching up from the last year of me not working, but we've had tougher financial years so that can't be it. Then, I thought it was because most of my close friends have moved away and I miss them terribly. My next thought was that this will be the first Christmas without my grandma and that really sucks. I really still haven't narrowed it down, but I did notice that the last two days of shopping made me physically weepy and a little nauseous. Today while I was standing in Target trying to decide if I had "enough" for all of my nieces and nephews I realized that what was bothering me was the utterly disgusting excess of the whole thing. Tim and I had a looooong discussion the other day about spending the day together alone rather than spending money on crap that we really don't need. Paul Bunyan goes to his dad's house on Christmas day and Tim and I are just going to spend the day together. Some of this came from being totally broke this year, but after much racking of the brain, I really couldn't think of one stinkin' thing that I need this year.

On a side note, Suze Orman says that the first step to dealing with debt is admitting what you don't have rather than talking about what you do have...so, I am here to admit that we are 100%, prime time broke this year. There, whew...

Ok, back to my holiday rant...While I was standing in Target I realized that, even if we had disposable income this year, there isn't anything that I need. I am so blessed to have so much more than most. I apologize to you all for all of this rambling, but this was all just bumping around in my head like a pachinko game and I knew that I need to write it down. I just stood in the candy aisle listening to parents bribe, threaten, cajole, codle, and indulge their children while the children whined and moaned about what they wanted. AHHHHHHHH! What have we done to our children? We lived just fine without X-boxes and Play Stations. Somehow, when my mother said "no" we just dealt with it and moved on. Maybe not all the time, but the majority of the time. Heidi and I turned out just fine only getting a couple of gifts from Santa and a couple from Mom and Dad. I also got one, reasonably priced gift from my grandparents. They had seven grandchildren for Pete's sake. Needless to say, I took my crap to the check-out and ran to my car. I couldn't wait to get home. What happened to the "reason for the season"? Our Lord gave his life for us and all I can think about is whether or not I had enough stuff for my nieces and nephews. When is enough, enough?

My students asked me what I'm getting them for Christmas. What? There are 30 of them. I told them they would be lucky if I got them a pencil and a couple pieces of candy. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to dread the holiday. I had a talk with them about respect and grace. I don't know if it will help any of them, but it certainly helped me. Ha!

Blah, blah, blah.

By the way, I kind of get Slater's comment thing. I obviously don't know his reason, but I know why I would do it. Does that make sense? Find your own drummer...

Science Camp

Blogging, blogging! I haven’t blogged in like forever. Don’t mind the grammar. These days I spend more time trying to decipher bad grammar than I do teaching good grammar. Make sense? I tend to pick up on some of the bad stuff because it’s actually pretty funny sometimes.

Never mind that. I am blogging today because I don’t have to plan lessons this weekend. Why? I am not planning because I am packing to go to science camp. Um, what did I get myself into? Three of us teachers are taking 80 sixth-graders to Angelus Oaks for the week. I was really pumped for this trip until it snowed yesterday. It’s not the pretty, white, fluffy snow with warm sun. It is the hard as a rock, icy, freezing snow with bone-chilling cold. Now I know this is the stuff that young Mr. Slusser would love, but not me. I am a curl up by the fire when it’s below 65 kind of girl. The good news is that I get my own warm and toasty cabin. The kiddos are staying in cabins with counselors. I get to lead a hike each day and I signed up for the 1.5 mile ecology hike. This should be interesting. My saving grace is that most of these kids have never been out of Colton so they will be amazed by anything that has to do with nature. I don’t know about the other sixth grade classes, but my kids loooooooove science. If I did science all day, they would be the happiest students in the world. They even like to talk about “biotic” and “abiotic” factors. They will proudly tell you the difference between them and give you lists if you like. They are really out of this world excited to go tomorrow. God was kind, and I don’t have to ride the bus. The principal decided it would be good to have at least one vehicle with us, and since I have the most experience with mountain driving I was nominated to drive my car. OK, maybe I nominated myself, but the other two absolutely did NOT want to drive. Yeah for me.

Teaching is still wonderful. I really can’t believe that my first year has been so nice. The staff is still great and I get along really well with the principal. My five week vacation was really appreciated, but I was happy to get back into the swing of things when we went back on track last Monday. The kids didn’t forget too much. Adding and subtracting fractions is hard even when there hasn’t been a five-week break. Just wait till we have to divide fractions…oy gevalt!
I figured out just how spoiled I really am. I went to WalMart with my mom yesterday and one of my chores was to buy cables for my new car. Ok, that doesn’t seem so difficult. We found the tire aisle and they had a nice selection of cables and chains. Seems pretty easy so far. Of course, I forgot my list so I had to call Tim for the tire size. He sat on the phone repeating the size for his challenged wife. “No, 205 55 15 not 255 60 15!” Whatever! Did you know that they list the sizes by the last number in that stupid sting of numbers? 205 55 15 is listed numerically by the 15 not the 205. I felt like a flatlander. I must have stood there for a good 10 minutes while Tim calmly waited for me to finish ranting about how stupid it is to list the items by the last number and not the first. Anyway, I got the cables and got out of that aisle as fast as I could.

Only three weeks until winter break!!

So, I have come to the conclusion that evacuation is no easier the second or third time around. There is something surreal about standing in your home and deciding what is truly irreplaceable and what is just "stuff". At the end of what seemed like hours, but was just minutes, we left with two large containers of belongings. Don't get me wrong, I feel truly blessed that we had so much time to get stuff out and our house is still standing, I'm just commenting on the feelings. What is important? The cake topper from our wedding? The outfit Paul Bunyan wore home from the hospital? The stacking dolls Kathie brought back from one of her many adventures? I think we all packed as though we would be back the next morning. I sit here thinking about all of the other "stuff" that I should have brought. Of course, those thoughts only last a few seconds and then my brain switches over to, "Thank you Lord that my family is here and they weren't what I had to leave behind." Ah, that leads me to my other problem...too much time to think. I am off track at the moment so I generally sit here, alone, and ponder life. Way too much pondering lately. UGH! I'm feeling a little like Slater at the moment. This blog is just all of the junk that's been in my head the last few days. We are back on line, thanks to Tim and his need for all things computer (he has a new cellular access thingy). I'm not even in the mood for paragraph breaks so you will have to find your way through here...sorry. At least I'm using capital letters and complete words...LOL. I miss all of my out-of-state friends even more. It was so hard not to just jump on a plane and visit Idaho, Oregon, and Georgia. The latest word is that we wont be able to go home until Saturday or Sunday. LARGE tear running down my face. I want to sleep in my own bed. Sorry, a little self-pity there. I really just want to get home and start cleaning so we can get things back to "normal". I was soooooo happy to hear that Liann's house made it. I know it was a little sketchy there for a while. By the way, Disneyland is an awesome evacuation idea. Next time (hopefully there wont be a "next time", but it's good to be prepared) we should all meet at Disneyland. So, my wonderful hubby would like to use his new toy so I better sign off. Thank you for all the prayers and good wishes...

I'm not sure that I've mentioned this yet...I love my job!!!!

These last few weeks have been amazing. It's hard to believe that I only have three weeks until we are off track for FIVE weeks. Yes, I said FIVE weeks. What am I going to do for FIVE weeks? These next couple of weeks are going to fly by because I have a ton to do before the end of the trimester...report cards, reading tests, student-lead conferences, two district tests, etc. Along with all that I have to teach AND pack up my classroom. Even with all of that, this job still seems like a dream. Let me get this straight...I only work 185 days, I'm off for a month at the end of each trimester, I'm only contracted to work 7.25 hours per day, I don't pay for my benefits, AND I make more money than I've EVER made. Even on the bad days, I can't believe that I'm finally here.

I got a really nice note from my principal today thanking me for my hard work. It was a great way to start a Monday. I really like working for him and we get along really well. I can't believe how nice my first year has been so far. I have heard so many horror stories (see Christina) and I feel truly blessed to be where I am with the kiddos I have. I have even managed to get "Third-person boy" to stop that horrible habit. It took some work, but I think we licked it.

Enough of that...Paul Bunyan has his last driving test next Sunday morning and can't wait to take his driving test. How can he possibly be old enough to be driving? Where did all the time go?
This is a picture of Paul Bunyan and Heidi's kids at Avila Beach a couple of months ago. Mom and Dad have a timeshare up there and Mom took the kids for a "spoil your grandkids" weekend. They all had a great time and Mr. Bunyan was really good at keeping the kids busy. My mom is trying to spend as much time with him before he heads off to college. It sounds silly, but the time will be gone before we know what hit us. He went to homecoming this weekend. How many of you remember homecoming being a big deal? Now, it's $10, the kids wore jeans, and the dance was on the tennis courts. Whatever! I guess we actually won the game on Friday so, it can't all be bad.

The second picture is Heidi's youngest hamming it up. Just felt the need to post this 'cause I think she's cute! She looks so much like Heidi!

Off to grade writing assignments. I think I need some wine first! Just kidding...or am I?

Ok then...

So, what do you do with the kid who insists on speaking of himself in the third person? This kid is the fashion plate for the class and the kid that thinks he is soooo good that all he has to do is flash his pearly whites to get what he wants. Little does he know, I don't care about his 12 year old pearly whites. He thinks he is so charming. All I see is all of those guys in high school that got by on their looks and now sell used cars or insurance for a living. I can totally see this kid four years from now and, sadly, I'm not impressed.

Last night was Back to School Night and I had great fun making Liann nervous. She sat down and asked me what I was doing there. The funny thing is that I thought about not going, but was worried about what she would think of me if I didn't show up. How funny that we have known each other for so long yet, we still worry about what the other thinks. By the way, your presentation was great...and not just because I love you!

I'm still enjoying teaching...every day seems to get better and better. My kids are great and I am so lucky that my first year has been uneventful thus far. Oh, I did find a condom under a student's chair yesterday. I'm so looking forward to the conversation I get to have with her parents. Catch 22 - should I be worried that she has a condom at 12 or should I commend her for at least being safe? When did this happen? I am praying that she was just curious and this phase will pass quickly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I admit that I can't pass up a good horoscope every now and then. My horoscope kicked me in the butt today...alright, God kicked me in the butt...

My horoscope said "Be thankful for everything that's going right in your life - it's a long list!" I admit, even will all my whining (which sounds so lame compared to what Christina is going through) I am truly thankful for what I have. I made my list:

the love of the Lord
love for the Lord
the love of a good and caring man (he's nuts)
the love of my healthy, beautiful child
a loving family
wonderful, loving friends
the job of my dreams

So, what am I whining about? Thanks to the advice from my last post. Chris, you sent me on the road to opening my Bible and spending some time in the Word and that is a good thing. Liann, thank you for always posting such honest stuff. I don't feel I have the wisdom for that yet, but it is something I strive for.

It's Sunday morning and the house is silent. My smelly boys are still asleep and muffins are cooking in the oven. Sadly, I am only slightly domestic on the weekends. So, for the moment, I am stuck in the muddy mess of my thoughts.


At the present time I am feeling really lost in my faith. I feel like I am wandering around in circles with the same ideas just bouncing around in my head. I haven't lost my faith, I just don't know what to do with it at the moment. I don't doubt the Lord's love for me, but I am doubting something and I'm not sure what it is. I miss going to church, but I don't know if I actually miss church or if I miss church with Kathie. I love having Christians around me at school. As a matter of fact, this is the first time I have worked at a place with so many Christians. Have any of you ever just felt ambivalent in your faith? Does that make sense? At the moment it is an absolute struggle to open my bible or devotional. I keep finding other things that feel more important. I'm not saying they are more important, they just feel more important. Ok, this is sounding more lame as I go along. I will leave it at this ugly mess of words and move on to grading.

Question of the Month

So, I have been keeping track of the great things the kids ask me on a daily basis. The winner for this month was:

"Why do all Asian people look Chinese?"

Chris
6th grader
Birney Elementary

Needless to say, that question started a mini-lesson on continents vs. countries. I am constantly amazed by the depth of some of our discussions. This is definitely something that you don't get with the younger kids.

Things are moving along and we are half way through the first trimester. The bonding has started and the days are getting easier and easier. For the most part, my kids are sweet and try to work hard. The politics of the school is hard to avoid sometimes, but having your own room to escape to is really nice. It's nice to have so many new teachers to commiserate with this year. There are 7 of us total and it makes a nice team when you are looking at a school where some teachers have been there for 15-20 years. Some of those teachers can be pretty bitter and angry. "Just you wait." That is what many of them say to us. Thankfully, the prayer time helps. There are some amazing people there that want to see us newbies succeed and are willing to do anything they can to support us.

Happy Saturday!

Funny mom stuff

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VlY8STkhopc


Not just for moms...for kids too!
This video is soooooo funny. I can't figure out how to do this so you can just watch the video on my blog, and I'm too tired to try to figure it out tonight.

Classroom

Finally...This is my classroom from the back of the room. I am standing in front of the door the students use to enter to room. That was the cleanest my room has been :(
This is my room from the front. I don't particularly like having my desk in front, but I had limited time to set up and this is what finally game out of moving everything around. Those large, brown cabinets you see near the windows is where I keep everything. We move classrooms at the end of every trimester so our big rolling carts go with us from room to room. This set-up is pretty much stolen from Nancy. You can't see behind me, but even my job pockets are the same as hers. She would laugh if she could see my white boards...exactly like hers.
This, obviously, is the front of the school. It looks kind of cloudy out, it was 6:30 in the morning and is usually overcast at that time. It usually peaks at about 102 degrees sometime in the late afternoon. The school is pretty small considering the number of students and everything is very centrally located. It's a really nice set-up.

Ok, so it's time for an update.

To blog, or to grade: that is the question.

I want to write, but I also need to grade. I know, Kathie is laughing her butt off right now. Teaching is wonderful and painful at the same time. It is far more rewarding than the hospitality industry, but still frustrating. Things are going fine and my kids are great...most of the time. These kids get so much stuff and they just keep expecting more. They have no idea how little other students get for the school year. My kids got: pencil boxes, pencils, crayons, colored pencils, markers, rulers, glue, glue sticks, 2 inch binders, divider tabs, dictionaries, pencil pouches, scissors, assignment notebooks, composition books, pink erasers, pens, highlighters, and more filler paper than anyone could possibly use. It's amazing. If I find one more broken and free pencil on the floor, I will probably come unglued. I want to drive the extra supplies up to our non-Title 1 schools here and pass them out to the teachers that have to buy this stuff on their own. UGH!

Ok, enough of that. I really do love what I do. The kids are great and the staff is amazing. The Teacher on Assignment (TOA) assigned to me is also a Christian. They have a staff prayer time every Thursday. I invited myself to the festivities and they were thrilled to have me show interest. It sounds like much of the staff is somewhat religious and participates in the prayer time so I am excited to see it for myself tomorrow. The entire staff has been wonderful. People stop by my room to check on me and when in the hallways, they always make sure to ask about my day and my kids. I have never worked with such a kind and caring staff (except LGE, of course). A little footnote...I do miss Nancy and Janet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am so sad that I wont get to work with Janet again before she retires. God was kind and let me work with her for a little while.

Did any of this make any sense? I'm tired and I have had a couple glasses of wine. Wine makes grading the writing so much more bearable. I will deny that if anyone repeats it, but it's the truth. It also makes grading worksheets on subjects and predicates less frustrating. When was the last time you needed to tell someone about a subject and a predicate? Think about that. I haven't thought about that since the 7th grade.

I LOVE TEACHING!

Ok, just had to get that out there. The last few days have been a blur of wonderful and terrifying events. I will try to write this out so it makes sense...I'm no Michael you know so you will have to bear with me.

Day 1 - Monday
I got up at O dark thirty because I was worried that I would be late for my first day. Ok, so it was actually 5:30 but you get the idea. I got all dressed up, made lunch and coffee, put on make up (that tells you how important this was to me), and left the house with tons of time to spare. The drive was uneventful and I arrived at school about 20 minutes early. I primped once more in the car, took a deep breath, said my last prayer, and marched inside as though I had worked there forever. Well, the office manager was out of the office so I couldn't get keys and I was told that I couldn't actually get into my room because the tracks overlap for that particular day. Ok, now what? I went back to the car, head hanging low and trying not to cry, and called Kathie. Utterly defeated and I hadn't even started yet. I would love to tell you that the day got better...it did not. After a pep talk from Kath I decided I would just make some copies. This is where the day got a little brighter. A very nice Kinder teacher (they do not change classrooms) took me under her wing and to her room to get some work done. She made sure that I knew some of the school rules, taught me how to read the cards about the students, and made sure I got to the staff meeting on time. When we were done with the meeting she made sure that I rode in her car to go to lunch with my track teachers. Here is the best part -- As soon as we sat down to eat, she began to pray. God had sent me a Christian! Hallelujah! I finally got into my class at 2pm and worked feverishly until 6:30. The whole day was filled with the phrase, "Oh, by the way did you know...?" I now hate that phrase. Oh ya , at this point, I still did not have my TE's for math or language. No big deal, right? :(

Are you still with me?

I did not sleep at all on Monday night so Tuesday started with total and utter exhaustion. I was able to get into my room that day and things started to feel much better. I started to relax and my room started to come together. People came out of the woodwork to meet me and to stop by and check on me. One nice teacher spent most of his day looking for my TE's and my cabinets containing ALL of my supplies. At some point I wandered to the office and found a sweet note from my guardian angel in my box. The last "by the way" came Tuesday afternoon when someone decided to tell me that all Wednesdays are minimum days. That would have been nice to know say, a week ago. All in all, Tuesday was a much better day and I slept through the night. Could I have used "started" a couple more times? I'm too tired to change it so, deal!

Wednesday was amazing. The day started with running into my angel in the parking lot and having her tell me that she prayed for me the night before. Of course, exhausted and nervous, I started to cry. Anyway, the day was so exciting and my kids are great, despite rumors that they were all devil spawn. Don't get me wrong, I have some challenging issues, but the kids are sweet and kind and a ton of fun.

Today was equally as awesome. I can't believe how tired I am. So tired that I wont be re-reading this post for quality. Sorry, you will all just have to deal with that fact. I feel like there is so much more to tell, but it will have to wait for another day.

I LOVE MY JOB.

I went to visit my principal yesterday and took a tour of the school. The school is lovely and the staff was very kind and helpful. This school seems to have it all buttoned up on the support side of things. We have a TOA (teacher on assignment) assigned to new teacher on each track. I'm lucky, I'm the only new teacher on my track. This teacher is assigned to shadow me for the year and help me with anything I need. I also have supplies galore. They will give me anything I need, I just have to ask. The only bummer is that I have to change classrooms at the end of each trimester. They do give me a rolling cart that I put all of my supplies in and the custodian moves to the new class so it wont be too bad. It sounds like the entire school is going to a modified traditional calendar next year so I wont have to change classrooms.

I got my TEs and my info about my students. It is going to be a tough and interesting year based on what is written on the students' cards. I definitely have my work cut out for me and will most definitely be leaning on any teacher that offers support. My next few days are going to be spent planning, planning, planning. I have two days in my class before the students arrive and I should be able to spend most of the time setting up lessons, making copies, and laminating. Having a borrowed class means that I can't do too much decorating.

I LOVE THIS!

Too much fun!

This would be Tim after waterskiing today. Yes, the rest of us followed the "re-apply" rule. As you can see, he did not. Now he is radio active and sitting on the couch covered in aloe drinking a beer.

Besides cooking my husband, we had a great time on the lake. I even got up on a knee board on my first try!

Just because I don't want to be left out of the fun...This is me after a day of teaching, or being a mom. Notice the margarita in one hand and the ice cream in the other. I can't really tell you why I don't have any shoes, but I guess those do come off at the end of the day anyway.

Today is a much better day. I have to apologize to all that have had to read my drivel lately. Could I feel more sorry for myself? I don't see any happy teachers here. So, after a very good night of much needed sleep, I have decided that I need to buck up and take life as it comes.

I mentioned before that I love weekends and today is no exception. I turned off my cell phone, slept 'til 8, made scones for the boys (now only three but still smelly), and watched Anchor Man. The best part was that Paul Bunyan intoduced his step-brother to Will Farrel. That was a fascinating little social experiment. You would have to know my kids for this to be funny. Kathie and Beth will laugh as they picute this little event. This was followed by even more fun...making teen-age boys sort laundry. This project took three boys 30 minutes to complete. Making kids do yucky chores on Saturday mornings is where we mommies reap our rewards. I've decided I will make this my work today. I should take advantage of having all these boys around and I think the dog yard needs some attention ;)

Running on empty

It's almost 4am and it's pretty obvious that sleep is out of reach at the moment. Note to self - Never, and I mean never, work two jobs again. I am teaching six days of summer school and working at the conference center every day. My dreams alternate between parents and administration heckling me because I know NOTHING about ancient civilizations and guests yelling at me because the bowl they painted didn't have the specs of green like the picture. So here I sit typing. Actually, because I am so exhausted, mostly backspacing because my already deficient spelling gene is dulled due to lack of sleep.

Fear is taking over and the joy of becoming a teacher is sitting very far in the back of my brain. Because the school is year round I can't get into my classroom until the 30th and the kids start on the 1st and that is causing some severe anxiety. I have so many questions and nobody to answer them until the 30th. My teacher list is huge right now and, to be perfectly honest, I don't really care about ancient China. I will of course eventually look like I care. I'm really worried that I have spent so much time planning the little things in the class like the prize box and the color of the reward tickets but I haven't seen a teacher's edition of any of my subjects.

My house is full of boys. That alone is enough to cause a break down. Too many boys! Everywhere I go...BOYS! For those of you that don't have boys in your house, they smell. They smell bad. Four of them between the ages of 9 and 16 smell really bad. They are also messy little buggers. I have run my dishwasher two times a day for the last seven days. That can't be good. Apparently, your head will explode if you use the same glass twice.

I suppose I should head back to bed seeing as I have to get up in a couple of hours to teach 1st grade. On the very cute and happy side, little Memo looked at me yesterday and told me had the "hipups".

Just in case you were wondering. When your bowl comes out of the kiln and it is not the color you expected it to be, the bowl suddenly and very dramatically becomes useless. Go figure. I guess my parents did something right...In my book, a bowl of any color can hold some cold cereal.

Ok, how much fun did I have today? So much fun! I finally got to spend my Lakeshore Learning gift certificates today. I bought a ton of books on ancient civilizations and 6th grade math and writing. I also bought stuff for the walls. I love this stuff. I can't wait to get into my room to set up. I got my letter from my principal today with my calendar and welcome letter and went down to the DO and SIGNED MY CONTRACT! As soon as my fingerprints clear I will be officially employed. This is amazing. It was so fun to shop for an actual grade and start to plan out the year. Nothing else to report these days...

It is so nice to know that I have a job starting soon. At the moment I am floating between two worlds. I am running the A&C program at the Conference Center at the moment and they need me to work almost every day. I also need to get my paperwork filled out for my new job. Neither place is very happy with me because I cannot give them everything they want exactly when they want it.

I think I will be able to breathe in about three years when I have a better idea about what I am doing, have completed my BTSA, am tenured (if I stay in one place long enough), and Paul Bunyan and the Dungeon Master (my step son) are done with their first year of college. Whew!

It was about 3 am the other day when I found myself in the kitchen with two lists - one for the conference center and one for school. It's amazing how much it helps to just get out of bed and write a list. It still took a couple of hours to go back to sleep, but at least I got the ideas on paper. I have a feeling this will be something that happens quite often over the next couple of years.

My prays these days have consisted mostly of trying not to lose my marbles. I am not the most patients and emotionally level person in the world so it is taking a ton of work not to break down. Tim laughs at me because I am over compensating a little and I am significantly more perky than usual.

Off to do some crafting!

Gainfully Employed

I would like to start by thanking everyone for their prayers and their kind words. Today I was offered a contract with Colton Joint Unified School District. I will be teaching 6th grade and I start on July 30th. I will be year-round and I get three, month-long breaks during the year. I am so excited I'm not exactly sure what to do with myself yet. So many emotions...fear, excitement, anticipation, fear, trepidation...did I mention fear? I'm not sure what I am going to do with sixth-graders, but I have a month to get ready and three Lakeshore Learning gift certificates burning a hole in my wallet. I can't wait to build a few pyramids and mummify some chickens!

Ta!

So I wasn't going to tell anyone because I didn't want to jinx it, but I thought better of it and decided that I needed all the payer I could get.

I have two interviews next week. Wednesday with Colton (the one I want) and Thursday with Hesperia. On Wednesday I am interviewing with the principal of a great elementary school in Colton. The best part is that he was one of my professors at University of Redlands. The day after I posted my application I emailed him for advice and he was very kind and reassuring. He was actually my favorite teacher and we shared a lot of the same views on teaching. I would love to teach at his school and work with him. Of course I will take any school and any grade that offers me a job.

Chris, your mom was so sweet the other day. I was subbing for Nancy and your mom and I were in the office. She told the principal that she wouldn't leave her classroom next year when she retires unless they would guarantee me a job and her room. Of course we were all joking around, but it was really great to have her on my side. The principal laughed and looked a little pale, but he also had nice things to say so it went over pretty well.

I'm really nervous!! I've talked to several teachers and they all gave me some wonderful advice for interviewing. Mostly, not to act like I know everything about teaching because I DON'T.

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY!!!

So, here I sit waiting and wondering. Waiting for anyone to call me back and wondering what it is about my application that is making people wait to call me. I even called to check on both applications and both places told me all I could do is wait for someone to call me. Round and round we go. So, my prayers have switched from a job to me being able to let go and let God take the wheel for this ride. UGH!!! Having only had two jobs in the last 18 years was good for the pocket book and not so good for the interview/application experience. I know a couple people that applied after me and have already been scheduled for an interview with Hesperia. Want a humbling experience? Apply for your dream job and see what it does to your psyche.

I'm too busy feeling sorry for myself to write much more.

Here I sit on a lovely, lazy Sunday morning. I dropped Tim off at the airport for his week-long trip to Mississippi. I'm glad to have some time to myself, but I already miss him so it's a double-edged sword. I don't envy him having to be in MS this time of year...humid and hot...blech!

I'm thrilled that Christina has an interview in Hesperia. Wouldn't it be great if we ended up at the same school? Maybe the mountain teachers will take over the High Desert. I know of several other new teachers that applied in or have been hired by Hesperia. I am still waiting to hear from Hesperia and Colton. I am going to apply in Redlands and Yucaipa as soon as they start posting jobs. The school districts seem to like the electronic, paperless application process. It's nice because I don't need to make a ton of copies. I just scanned all of my documents, uploaded them, and sent in my application. Technology is nifty. I'm trying to talk Tim into getting his credential too. I was so close when he found out that the Air Force ok'd the Lasik surgery, finally! He is so excited and is strongly, by strongly I mean STRONGLY, considering applying to be a boom operator on a refueling plane. He's like a little kid at Christmas. I haven't seen him this giddy in a long time. Looks like teaching might have to wait a couple of years.

Off to be lazy again!

Show me the money!

Well, I submitted two applications today. Waiting patiently is not something I do well. I'm trying to find some comfort in God's timing and all of that. I applied in Hesperia and Colton. The only good thing about possibly working off the mountain is that those schools pay more than Rim does. Go figure. No jobs up here. As a matter of fact, there seem to be many teachers that have no idea where they are going to end up next year. That's the part of this process that I fear the most. After 17 years of working non-stop, I'm not handling the "no job" thing very well. I'm getting some home projects done but that's about it these days. I do a ton of sitting and moping so I need to find a job and pronto.

Not much more to report. Paul Bunyan is finishing his sophomore year and driving around the mountain. It's hard to believe that he is looking at colleges and talking about where he will live after graduation...ugh! Some days I can't imagine having an empty house and some days I am ready to pack for him. Oh how I love teenagers.

On a side note - Tyler Florence is hot!

Saturday

I love Saturdays. Nothing much to report these days...sold my truck and bought a new "girl" car. I never thought I would go back to a 2WD car but alas, the rising gas prices won out over the 10 days a year I need 4WD. My parents also gave Paul Bunyan their '89 Toyota truck to fix up and drive so, three 4WDs seemed a bit much. I drove my new car in the snow yesterday, without chains, and although it was a little harry at some points, the car did really well. It is front-wheel drive so they do pretty well in the snow. Now Tim and I have matching his and hers silver cars. We look so yuppie...little do they know ;)

I've been subbing quite a bit these days and mostly in the primary grades, go figure. Those first and second graders are really growing on me. Those grades are a ton of physical work but the kids are so cute and loving. I subbed in the absolute worst 6th grade class the other day. You know it's bad when the school secretary starts by begging you to sub and then hands you a stack of referral forms as soon as you walk in the door. Uh oh! They wanted me to sub the following two days in the same class but I just couldn't do it. Those kids were awful. The teacher regularly gives them several "free" times during the day and it shows. They weren't interested in learning a darn thing. Sadly, as much as I want to suck up so I can get a job, they don't pay me enough to babysit 32 rotten 6th graders. I feel really bad for those kids. They are going to get to middle school and high school and get their butts kicked. I had one kid that spent the entire day using the word "ghetto". Pick a part of speech, even some that don't make sense, and he used the word that way. People were "ghetto", things were "ghetto", actions were "ghetto", at one point we were even "ghettoing"...think about that one for a while. Michael would have lost his marbles in this class. I finally made the kid look up the meaning of the word but that didn't stop him from using it ALL day. Obviously, one of your more stand-up, socially aware citizens. The world needs more of this kind of kid!

Off to let Paul Bunyan drive to the post office...Good Saturday to all!

Double ugh!

First ugh - I called the District Office to find out why I don't receive phone calls when there are sub jobs (I have to look on-line). The personnel person told me that I am just unlucky. What kind of answer is that? One of the guys that I student taught with gets 3 to 5 calls every morning. He has only been on the sub list 3 months longer than I have. The lady told me that he was put higher on the list but she doesn't know why. Funny, she is the person that puts the subs in the system but she can't tell me why I don't get any calls. Ironic isn't it? I need the money but I am bummed that I don't get phone calls for jobs. See why I need to work full-time. I sit and think about stuff too much when I don't.

Second ugh - The problem is money vs. experience. I can take a four days worth of sub jobs = experience. I can work 2.5 days at the conference center = money. What to do? The bummer is that I make WAY more money working 2.5 days at the conf center than I do working four WHOLE days subbing. I know I need the experience but right now we need the money. Not working for five months and only working part-time for the last two has put a huge squeeze on the pocket book. I also need to make it through the summer so I need the money. Not really looking for answers, just thinking out loud...blah, blah, blah.

Fun in the sun!

I love living in California. We went out on a friend's boat this weekend. You've gotta love any place that you can leave the snow and head for the water on the same day. We had a great time as you can see. This is my honey water skiing - in MARCH!














We also pulled the kids behind the boat in an inner tube. The smiles were great and we all had an amazing time putting around the lake. This is a private lake down near Temecula and there were about four boats out that day. Tim and Marc were able to ski until their little arms couldn't hold on any longer. http://www.vaillakeresort.com/

This is Tim driving the boat. He had a wonderful time (as you can see by the smile on his face) and we were able to spend the entire day just relaxing.














Two posts in one day. Can you tell that it's the first day of Spring Break?

Big week. I was able to teach for six days in a row. For those of you who are going to get me on the little stuff...that is Friday of last week and Monday - Friday of this week.

I started out in sixth grade for three days. The jury is still out on that grade. I headed to second for two days. Can I tell you how adorable second-graders are? So cute! Not a bad grade either. Old enough to be able to follow a discussion about a book and young enough to love teachers unconditionally. I like that. Today I was back in my first grade class. I love those kids but I am exhausted. Lots of tattling and tears today. I will blame it on the following: Friday, Spring Break, nice weather, spring, 6 years old. Get the picture?

Have I said how much I like this job? Only about a million times. I can not wait to have my own classroom. I find myself teacher shopping all the time. I want to buy fun books and posters but I have to wait until I know what grade I'm teaching and that makes me sad. Oh well...soon enough!

On another note...I am taking Paul Bunyan down to get his permit tomorrow. I'm not sure I'm emotionally ready for this event. He will be 16 on Saturday. I know I'm not ready for THAT! Wow, sixteen years and I often feel like I know less about parenting than before he was born. I must admit that this is the most frightening blessing one can receive. Some people with no children or small children always think that parenting an older child is easier. I am here to tell you that is a myth. So I don't have to worry about him drinking the stuff under the sink or drowning in a bucket of water, but in six months my baby boy will be operating a large vehicle alone. Those haunting nightmares of things that can happen to a small child have long since faded and are now replaced by new nightmares of mangled cars and such. No way to avoid worrying about our kids is there? Well, this turned into a not-so-cheery post now, didn't it?

More fun...I get to head out to Boise to celebrate an upcoming birthday! I can't wait!

Comfort and Joy

Comfort - Brownie chunks and chocolate chip cookie dough in chocolate ice cream! That's all I have to say! I'm not a big ice cream fan, but that stuff is heaven and manages to make the yuckiest day seem good.

Joy - I get to sub for Janet at LGE tomorrow! Yeah, fifth grade!!!!!!!!!!

I love teaching. Have I mentioned that yet. Even first grade has grown on me and I can't imagine doing anything else with my life. So, I sit and wait and pray for a job to open. I did discover that snow days are more fun when you get paid to stay home. I was supposed to sub in 5th grade at LGE last week and both of my days were interrupted by snow days. I was actually sad because I was looking forward to working, especially at LGE. Oh well. I get to sub for Janet on the 16th and I am really looking forward to that. Sub jobs seem to come in waves. Some weeks are a heavy load and some are really dry. One prayer was answered; the Conference Center called to see if I would work for them part-time. Yeah money! It's kind of fun to be there being able to make my own schedule and knowing that it's not forever. They work around my sub jobs. As a matter of fact, they are being so great and working around anything in my life. What a wonderful way to work.

Fun news is that my sister might be moving back to the mountain. San Diego has been good for them but they want to be back near family. I can't wait to have my babies back here and sometimes I even miss Heidi. Just kidding...I do miss hanging out with her on a regular basis. I'm looking forward to having time this summer to be the auntie that I want to be. Mom and I already have a ton of field trips planned.

Off to find something to do...

Just needed to get it off my mind...

So, I have come to an impasse. What do I want to write about? I had a whole speech in defense of something that was said about me but that seems pretty self-centered now. What I will focus on is how annoyed I am at “those” people that cannot be honest about shortcomings and choose to shine a spotlight on other people's shortcomings. Does that make sense? At the moment I am really peeved and my brain is working much faster than my fingers. What I mean to say is, it seems as though there are people in the world that use other's shortcomings as ammo. Ok, here is the deal. Unfortunately, I am one of those people that talks a lot and I end up becoming an open book. There is very little that my friends do not know about me and that is fine with me. Now, I don't necessarily share info with my friends so they will sling it back at me some day in a pathetic attempt to make themselves feel better about their lives.

I am speaking about “those” perpetually “happy” people that aren't really happy, they just want everyone to believe they are happy. Don't get me wrong, I know there are people in the world that are happy but let's face it, we all have our dark days. We all have issues in our lives. We all have days when our spouse is REALLY annoying and our kids make us want to run and hide. Does that make us awful people? No, it makes us human. It is also human to confide those feelings to our friends. Notice I said confide...not make a bullet out of it and fire it back at me via another person. Ugh! This would probably have been easier if I wrote about what happened but I can't do that.

I guess my feelings are hurt and I am having a hard time letting go of the crap. I know that I should. I know that I should pray for the person that was shooting at me because they have some issues that really need prayer, especially when that pedestal they are standing on gets knocked down. I know that I will get to that point but it is not going to be today. Enough of this. My brain is sad and tired and I need to bake so cookies. That is of course if I don't eat all the batter first.

Boring post

For anyone that was wondering...I made it through Friday with no incidents. I promise that will be the last gross post for me.

My first day of subbing was great but 8th graders are not very bright. For the most part they assumed that I was blind and deaf. I ended up being "mean sub lady" and that's ok by me. Tuesday and Wednesday I was in a first grade class at VOE and that was wonderful. Elementary is defiantely the place for me. I have two more jobs lined up for next week and this seems to be going along pretty well.

I recieved my credential on Friday so now begins the job search. I found an opening in Yucaipa and I have to decide if I want to drive that far. I'm going to keep my eyes and ears open for spots up here.

Kathie is louder than my intestines!

Seriously!

This has been a long week and I am exhausted, mentally and physically. The good news is that I have my first sub job tomorrow! YEAH! Here is my dilemma..

I got home today after two days at Grandma's and my stomach is really messed up. I decided that since I didn't have any plans for Friday I would take a laxative to help my stomach. Actually, I decided that I would take three. Why? Well, because I wasn't going anywhere and my stomach was really bugging me. Fast forward and hour and I am talking to Kathie on the phone. We are discussing the fact that there is a sub job available for tomorrow and I don't know if I should take it because it is at MPH. The good news is that the teacher is a friend from high school and one of Paul Bunyan's past teachers. Kathie reminds me that she will leave very detailed sub plans and it would be a great experience for me. She also adds that it would be a wonderful ending to an amazingly awful week. Does she stop there? Of course not! She adds that it would make her week for me to take the job. "Push the button" she says, "Push the button". What do I do? Of course, I push the button. I'm excited and after our conversation I call my parents, sister, friends, Tim...you get the picture. Fast forward another hour when I start to notice that my stomach is feeling a little uneasy. That's when it dawns on me, "Oh crap, I just took three laxatives!" Seemed like such a good idea at the time. Knowing Kathie as we all do, you know she is the person I have to call and tell. She laughs a sickening, vicious laugh and begs me to put this in the blog...just in case you were wondering why I felt the need to tell this beautiful TMI story that is obviously not my style! She then reminds me that this is just like the time I ate a cucumber and a bowl of bean with bacon soup for lunch and went to the movies later in the afternoon. That falls under the heading of "Do not try this at home, I am a professional." Now what do I do? Do I take an Imodium? Will mixing those two things kill me? Do I just pray really hard tonight that I don't have to run to the restroom every 45 minutes on the day of my first sub job? Do I fast until tomorrow at 4pm? How stupid am I? Don't answer that one!

Wish me luck and don't let Nancy read this entry.

This sucks!

So today I have retreated in total and utter exhaustion. Me, kleenex (actually my sleeve), coffee, and three recorded episodes of Guiding Light. Pitiful! Yesterday was so surreal and I haven't figured out how to describe it yet. I went to help clean up Grandma's house and I ended up sitting around for 16 hours. Mom and her sisters weren't ready for help so I hid in the sewing room with my dad eating junk food and watching TV. I have never felt so detached from anything in my life. It was almost like I was the neighbor and not related to the woman. I know that they (my mom and her sisters) are grieving and they need to do that but they seem to forget that there are seven grandchildren that are also grieving.

As I sat looking around the house I realized how little our stuff means when we are gone. It felt like one minute she was here and the next minute her life was reduced to the duck-shaped salt and pepper shakers on the stove. Who would end up with those things? She had them forever and they were always on the stove. I must have used them a million times. Who would even want them? Would the next person that used them know what a wonderful woman she was? They are just salt and pepper shakers, but they were HER salt and pepper shakers. What am I going to do with duck salt and pepper shakers? I don't know but I don't want some stranger using Grandma's salt and pepper shakers. Is she sitting up there watching us decide who gets all of her stuff? Is she laughing and saying "they were just salt and pepper shakers; nothing special about those" or is she in awe of the sadness surrounding the salt and pepper shakers?

I don't want my mom to be so sad. She lost her best friend and I don't quite know how to help her grieve and grieve myself at the same time. This all seems to get a little easier when I write it down so forgive me if I drone on and on in these blogs.

Great finds

I found this today in Grandma's wallet -

Hands of a Friend, by RK and GPP

Thank you, Lord, for the friends who love me as I am. Who care for me tho I may slip and fall. Friends with gentle hands applauding when I win and lifing me when I am feeling small. Hands of a friend, wonderful gift, hands that affirm, comfort and lift.

Thank you for your Son who lived, so I could see how to live my life, to walk the way...Your Son, whose gentle hands healed with just a touch; who taught us, hands can love and lead and pray. Hands of a friend, wonderful gift, hands that affirm, comfort and lift.

Teach me Lord, to be your hands here in our world, reaching out in giving, work and prayer. Wherever I may go, whom ever I may touch, may what I do confirm your presence there. Hands of a friend, teach me to be ever and always, living for thee.

In loving memory

Well, what a weekend. I applied for my credential so I can feel that job right around the corner. Being patient is not my stongest attribute. I decided to be good and go with the "the outcome is already planned, and nothing I do is going to change that so just wait" approach. For the most part, it is working well. I know God has a plan for me and I just have to watch it unfold. At the moment I am thinking that it had something to do with my grandmother. For about a year she was very ill and we all knew that there would not be much time left with her but we all kept putting off going down to visit or making those "hi, how are you" phone calls. Well, because I was not working, I was able to go down and spend a couple of days with her right after New Years. She was in the hospital so we didn't do anything really fun but I was with her and we just sat together and talked. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I had a full-time job. I got to tell her that I loved her. That was the most important part of the trip. This brave, outgoing, vibrant, funny, loving woman passed away this weekend and it sucks! So, becuase I don't have a job, I was able to be there for my mom in ways that I wouldn't have if I had to leave work. We are headed down today to clean out the house (this is the house that my mom and her sisters grew up in so that makes it even more sad) and to tie up any loose ends. For a while there I was cursing God becuase I didn't have a job or even a job prospect. Of course, now I feel silly for that becuase He knows what He is doing. I have praised Him over and over that I was able to spend time with her and my mom. I have praise Him becuase, in the end, she did not suffer and the room was full of family. I praise Him most of all becuase she was a Christian and I know she is with Him now. The strange thing is, that is the first grandparent I have that was a Christian and I feel more settled with this one than I did with the others. I have no doubts that she is in a better place, free from pain and suffering. Wow, what a feeling.

In loving memory of Betty Jean Bush -- June 26, 1922 - January 26, 2007

Well, what a weekend. I applied for my credential so I can feel that job right around the corner. Being patient is not my stongest attribute. I decided to be good and go with the "the outcome is already planned, and nothing I do is going to change that so just wait" approach. For the most part, it is working well. I know God has a plan for me and I just have to watch it unfold. At the moment I am thinking that it had something to do with my grandmother. For about a year she was very ill and we all knew that there would not be much time left with her but we all kept putting off going down to visit or making those "hi, how are you" phone calls. Well, because I was not working, I was able to go down and spend a couple of days with her right after New Years. She was in the hospital so we didn't do anything really fun but I was with her and we just sat together and talked. I wouldn't have been able to do that if I had a full-time job. I got to tell her that I loved her. That was the most important part of the trip. This brave, outgoing, vibrant, funny, loving woman passed away this weekend and it sucks! So, becuase I don't have a job, I was able to be there for my mom in ways that I wouldn't have if I had to leave work. We are headed down today to clean out the house (this is the house that my mom and her sisters grew up in so that makes it even more sad) and to tie up any loose ends. For a while there I was cursing God becuase I didn't have a job or even a job prospect. Of course, now I feel silly for that becuase He knows what He is doing. I have praised Him over and over that I was able to spend time with her and my mom. I have praise Him becuase, in the end, she did not suffer and the room was full of family. I praise Him most of all becuase she was a Christian and I know she is with Him now. The strange thing is, that is the first grandparent I have that was a Christian and I feel more settled with this one than I did with the others. I have no doubts that she is in a better place, free from pain and suffering. Wow, what a feeling.

In loving memory of Betty Jean Bush -- June 26, 1922 - January 26, 2007

On my way

Isn’t it amazing how fast the holidays come and go? I can’t believe that it’s already the middle of January. Our holidays were wonderful and very blessed. Most of all, they were relaxing because we were lucky enough to be home most of the time.

Whew! I passed the RICA and scored well on my last class project!!!!!! YEAH. I can now apply for my credential. I can’t believe that it’s really over. Christina, take the RICA now. Don’t wait, just rip the Band-Aid off and get it over.

Now, to get a job. It’s not as easy as one would think. Our district is a little unorganized and every time I go to give them the paperwork they asked for they ask me for something else. I have been doing this since October. I just want to work. UGH! I think, if all goes well, I should be on the sub list by the end of next week. I can’t wait to get back in the classroom. Don’t get me wrong, these last few weeks at home have been great but with no small children at home, I am soooo bored. I don’t think I can vacuum one more time. My house has never been cleaner and I’m pretty sure that I have baked about 10 dozen cookies. Tim loves having me home but I think Paul Bunyan would rather have mom back at work and not breathing down his neck as soon as he gets home from school.

I’m not sure how the process of getting hired full time will go for me. I have heard stories of people that get jobs right away and then I have heard stories of people being promised jobs just to be passed over in the final selection stage. Because I have only had two jobs in 17 years, I have only had to interview twice in my life. That part scares me more than being in a classroom with 30 kids. I will take any position I can get but I am saying little prayers for LGE (if there end up being any openings). That school site is amazing and the faculty is wonderful. I went back in December to make candy trains and I was sad to leave at the end of the day.

Hopefully by the end of next week I will be working again!