So, I've been having a really tough time getting into the Christmas spirit lately. I was originally thinking that it was because we are still in the process of catching up from the last year of me not working, but we've had tougher financial years so that can't be it. Then, I thought it was because most of my close friends have moved away and I miss them terribly. My next thought was that this will be the first Christmas without my grandma and that really sucks. I really still haven't narrowed it down, but I did notice that the last two days of shopping made me physically weepy and a little nauseous. Today while I was standing in Target trying to decide if I had "enough" for all of my nieces and nephews I realized that what was bothering me was the utterly disgusting excess of the whole thing. Tim and I had a looooong discussion the other day about spending the day together alone rather than spending money on crap that we really don't need. Paul Bunyan goes to his dad's house on Christmas day and Tim and I are just going to spend the day together. Some of this came from being totally broke this year, but after much racking of the brain, I really couldn't think of one stinkin' thing that I need this year.

On a side note, Suze Orman says that the first step to dealing with debt is admitting what you don't have rather than talking about what you do have...so, I am here to admit that we are 100%, prime time broke this year. There, whew...

Ok, back to my holiday rant...While I was standing in Target I realized that, even if we had disposable income this year, there isn't anything that I need. I am so blessed to have so much more than most. I apologize to you all for all of this rambling, but this was all just bumping around in my head like a pachinko game and I knew that I need to write it down. I just stood in the candy aisle listening to parents bribe, threaten, cajole, codle, and indulge their children while the children whined and moaned about what they wanted. AHHHHHHHH! What have we done to our children? We lived just fine without X-boxes and Play Stations. Somehow, when my mother said "no" we just dealt with it and moved on. Maybe not all the time, but the majority of the time. Heidi and I turned out just fine only getting a couple of gifts from Santa and a couple from Mom and Dad. I also got one, reasonably priced gift from my grandparents. They had seven grandchildren for Pete's sake. Needless to say, I took my crap to the check-out and ran to my car. I couldn't wait to get home. What happened to the "reason for the season"? Our Lord gave his life for us and all I can think about is whether or not I had enough stuff for my nieces and nephews. When is enough, enough?

My students asked me what I'm getting them for Christmas. What? There are 30 of them. I told them they would be lucky if I got them a pencil and a couple pieces of candy. I don't want to be bitter. I don't want to dread the holiday. I had a talk with them about respect and grace. I don't know if it will help any of them, but it certainly helped me. Ha!

Blah, blah, blah.

By the way, I kind of get Slater's comment thing. I obviously don't know his reason, but I know why I would do it. Does that make sense? Find your own drummer...