Did you ever feel so far away from God that you think you couldn’t get any further away? I feel like I have always believed that God would provide but I am having a hard time with that one at this moment. This is the first time in 17 years that I am not bringing in a pay check. Not sure how to deal with that. I was alright at first but the longer it goes on, the worse I deal with it. I know that I want to teach and I know that I love the kids but I hate not getting paid. I know that student teaching was the right choice for me but I hate feeling like I am not contributing to the family income. Tim hasn’t said a word so I know that it’s my ego pulling me in the wrong direction. It seems like everything I do, say, and feel is so ugly these days and that really bothers me.

Working towards being a teacher is one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. I’m not used to having to jump through so many hoops to do what I need to do. I didn’t do very well on my last project and I have to go in for counseling with one of the professors. I have no idea what I did wrong and they don’t seem to be in too much of a hurry to help me fix what I messed up. Frustrating…more frustrating that I pay them a butt-load of money and they don’t seem to feel the need to return phone messages or emails in a timely manner. The problem with all of this you ask…I can’t apply for my credential until I fix the project. UGH!

Next, I have yet another test to take. I don’t have the energy or the desire to open the book to study and that is a problem because the test is on Saturday. Ok, so I passed all of my other tests on the first try and with very little studying but this just feels different. I have always been fairly lucky with this type of stuff and have been able to go through life getting what I want with what feels like very little effort. These hoops are really working me over and I realized just how spoiled I really am. Again, ego pulling me farther are farther away from what I know is right.

I have one last project due in two weeks and I don’t want to start it until I know what I did wrong on the last one. Lame? I think so too. I really should get started and stop saving this stuff until the last minute but the desire is disappearing. Nancy and Tony gave me a book titled, "Grace for the Moment' by Max Lucado, and I just can’t seem to open it. I don’t feel very deserving of His grace right now. I feel selfish and ugly and whiny! Bigger UGH!

My turn on the soap box!

Ok, so my first thought was to reply to Christina's post about stupid, gossiping people but I decided that I had way too much to say to put it in a response, so here goes!

What ever happened to parental responsibility? Those moms that Christina saw at the soccer game probably think that there is too much homework because it conflicts with soccer practice, nail appointments, weekday church functions, play dates, shopping, etc. I can't tell you how many parents I have run into, in just the last couple of months of being a teacher, that are upset by homework because it conflicts with their own schooling. Give me a break! Do you want your kids to succeed or do you want them to be a complete and utter failure? If you want them to succeed and be an asset to society, they need to be your first priority! Homework, if given for the right reasons and checked over by parents, serves a very valuable purpose. They had homework as children and our children's children will have homework. That's how school works. Most teachers don't give actual "homework" much anymore anyway. Most of the homework is classwork that the student did not complete becuase they did not use their time wisely in the first place.

Now, for the test scores at the school they were talking about...They don't know what they are talking about and they don't have any idea what happened with the test scores. Most of the teachers at that school are amazing and care a ton about the students and their jobs. They are only gossiping and we all know where that leads. With the second year of school improvement, they are welcome to send their children to a different school and yes, the district does have to pay for it. But, lets face it, if these parents don't want to deal with homework, they are not going to want to deal with their children being bussed to another school in a different city. They don't have the follow through to help with school work so they will not follow through with their threats to pull their children. Not to mention, the minute they tell their children that they have to leave their friends and teacher and move to a different school, things at home will not be pretty. They are welcome to send them to a private school. Many private schools are expensive and require much more parental involvement than public schools. Let's not even talk about the fact the you don't need a credential to teach in most private schools. Go for it laides!

Ok, back to parental responsibility...We teachers only have the kids for six hours a day and those six hours includes recess or recesses and lunch. Who is responsible for the other 18 hours in the day? Some parents feel that learning should only happen at school. Ok, but I have 29 other students. I don't have the time to work with each student individually on the math facts they should already know by fifth grade. What are parents doing with the rest of the day? Working? Ok, I will give them that but I was a single mom and Christina is a single mom and neither of us believe that teachers are the only people responsible for our children's learning, grades, and success. Sadly, we are not the majority. I am willing to bet the paycheck that I would be getting if I got paid for student teaching that Christina never puts her homework before the welfare of her children. I'm thinking that she does Donovan's homework and saves hers for after the kids go to bed. Just the way Michael puts his kids before his grading. That's what parents do. Why have kids if you want the schools to raise them? That's a whole other soap box topic.

Ok, I think I'm done...you can stop laughign Kath!